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I’ve been thinking a lot recently about intelligence. I’ve never been happy with my own intelligence; I know a lot of people who are more intelligent than I am and it makes me very self-conscious. I  wish I’d paid more attention in school and even in University which I only finished this year. I tend to be lazy in almost every area of my life. I don’t remember doing homework. I’m sure I did some. But I can’t remember. I used to get in trouble a lot for not having my homework done. And other times the teacher might not ask and I’d get away with it. But I don’t know why I took the risk. I don’t understand why I just never did my homework. I also skipped school a lot; I don’t know why I did that either. It wasn’t that I disliked school. All of my friends were there and it was constantly funny. Again, I blame it on laziness. Some mornings I just would not get out of bed. And then I’d spend the day watching TV, playing video games and going on the internet. And that’s all I do today as well. Writing this has been the most productive thing I’ve done today.

I’ve kind of gone off topic. Sometimes I feel like I’m not on the same intelligence spectrum as others. Other people seems to get the world better than I do. They have opinions and ideas about a subject that make me think, how did they think of that? How did they organise their thoughts so well, so coherently, and so sensibly? I achieved a 2.1 grade in my degree, and I’m not quite sure how. I don’t feel intelligent. I know that I’m bright, I’m self aware, and have the potential to be clever, but I don’t feel smart. It bothers me and I don’t know how I can get to a point where I will feel smart.

How do I stop feeling naive?

My attention span seems to be so small these days that I get bored writing blog posts up to around this mark. I’m going to leave it here and post this so I can feel like I have accomplished something.

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